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Looking at things fairly and squarely!

"use it up, wear it out, make it do ... or do without"

I saw this quotation just recently and it made me think - quite seriously, about what we see as important and what we do with our lives.

We all know people who as they realise they're growing older, think they have to sit in a corner and rusticate. They not only think it, but they do it!

And why's that? Is it that they see themselves as becoming a bit of a nuisance to others, just because of aging? And if so, is this because other people have suggested they're no longer quite as acceptable as when younger? Do a few wrinkles, grey hair and a slowing of our limbs, mean we lose our capacity to "be", and to contribute to our family as well as our community just as much, if not more, than we have during our younger years? Our experiences and our wisdom have been gained through persistence, determination and discipline. We should be proud of them.

As the quote says: "use it up - wear it out - make it do - or do without." And let's have lots of fun in using it and wearing it and making it do!

Getting up of a morning!

I found this cartoon of "Maxine", and thank her creator and mentor for such insights into the aging persona.

A professional woman's comment

In her reference to the corporate world (Australia) she says:

"What is scary
is the permanent relegation
of many older women to the sidelines."

Etiquette in today's society

Is it me, or are a lot of "growing older" people noticing both a lack of common etiquette in being dealt with by government agencies and such, as well as a growing incidence of younger people showing more respect? Sounds like a contradiction, and of course it is.

But recently I've noticed a common thread when dealing with many younger people by telephone (banks, real estate agents for rentals, and government agencies) where they actually ask you for permission to call you by your first (Christian) name.

Years ago of course we were brought up to show extreme respect to our elders, and everyone was given the title of Mr, Mrs or Miss. And we daren't budge from that expectation. But things have changed over the years, and of course we have learned to adapt to many of those changes quite willingly and quite comfortably.

To be given the title of Mrs or Miss or even Ms and then to be asked if one would mind being spoken to along the lines of one's first name is a little sign of etiquette that I haven't come across for a long time. But it's happening more often these days. And it's sort of nice. You are given an option of agreeing or not agreeing, and for a senior person that in itself is a form of good manners that we thought have flown out of the window with lots of other niceties that we remember.

Small circles of acquaintances

Even timid and shy women as they grow older can reach out and increase their small circles of acquaintances. Those acquaintances may well become good friends, which is an added bonus.

* Joining groups of other women across a wide range of interests and subjects can bring with it pleasurable times and interconnections. You don't have to like everybody there, and everybody there doesn't have to like you. Sometimes you can even sit at the side of things that are going on and still feel a part of it, even though you don't really participate. The sound of happy chatter going on over your head can sometimes cause you to feel as though you're importance to the group That sort of chatter going on around you is very therapeutic. Think of the National Seniors, the local CWA (yes, I know, everyone thinks they're old-fashioned, but they certainly have come of age, and now enjoy lots of younger women within their ranks); Neighborhood/Community Houses; some of the service clubs; church groups and clubs. The list of almost endless.

* Volunteering can be an understated form of relaxation, involvement and interest. It can take you out of your dreary dull boring daily existing and present new opportunities, at whatever age. Hospital auxilliaries, charity shops, visiting people in hospital, being on a small council within a church, local neighborhood house, Probus, and any of the service clubs, can open a whole new vista of enjoyment. Interaction with other people does a lot of good, even though sometimes you may feel it hasn't achieved anything. What it has achieved is that you have gotten out of the house, interacted with people, and forgotten your dull and boring existence.

(To be continued with other suggestions .........)

Women - working and other responsibilities

With the increased pressure on women to stay in the workforce until the age of 67 (pensionable age), whether they are in good health or not, means women have less time to spend with their families, that is of course if the families want to have anything to do with them! The other problem is that as they age, they become less "employable" - a conundrum of the highest order.

The pressure is even more intolerable when the 50 and 60 year olds have parents to look after as well as children and grand-children. And this is not so unusual, in this day and age. They are in the centre of a struggle and they are tossed from pillar to post in trying to be the best for everyone in the family. Something has to "give" for these women and it seems they will have far more problem during their growing older years, than just dealing with aging. They'll be worn out physically and emotionally before they even get to the stage of working out what they must do for their own "older" years.

© Rosemary Parry-Brock, "growing older and getting "old" - is it all "down hill"? - some of the anxieties and fears" (now available in a printed booklet - contact the author)

Empowering Older Women - Brochure Number 2

Following our earlier blog, here's the second brochure in the series of 5, dealing with the subject of "empowering older women".

These brochures have been compiled by the Older Womens Network of New South Wales, Australia.

"Empowering Older Women" - Brochures

A few days ago we mentioned an article in the Australian press relative to "empowering older women" and published by the Older Women's Network of New South Wales, Australia. A number of "followers" of our blog contacted us as to where they could obtain copies of the five brochures mentioned.

In response to their enquiries, we attach hereto the first in the set of brochures, and we trust these may give interested women some insight into the empowering of their own lives. Keep tuned for the rest of the set.

A strange 'old' lady

Even though this lady is residing in MY house,
she may at some time appear in yours

Be alert! A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in.

I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was! She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her.

And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body.

This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me.

I go to the ATM and withdraw $100 and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclusion the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.

And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.

Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate - especially the good stuff like icecream, cookies and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the kilos. I suspect she realises this, and to make herself feel better she is tampering with my bathroom scales to make me think I am putting on weight too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my wardrobe when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organised.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it.

And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things - like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front the dressing room mirror and monopolises it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live.

(Sent to us from a friend in Wales, UK)

AGING!

Another couple to make you laugh ...

Number 1:

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'

'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'

And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

Number 2:

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'

'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'

Following on from the article Empowerment of Older Women

We've been contacted by a number of readers of this blog, and are now awaiting a reply from the Older Women's Group as to how and where we can obtain copies of the brochures mentioned in this media article. We will let you know once we receive a reply.

AGING!

Let's all laugh together, because life CAN, and IS, fun!

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.'

She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

(Cartoon copyright - Maxine)

Empowering older women in the midst of Australia’s ageing population

by University of Western Sydney Media Unit
29/07/2010

An expert in elder law from the University of Western Sydney has launched a series of brochures, designed to protect the financial security of older women.

Ms Sue Field from the School of Law at UWS teamed up with The Older Women‘s Network (OWN) NSW to produced the set of publications. Aimed at elderly women, the ‘How Could They?’ series of brochures tackles issues such as financial abuse, negotiating new relationships, going guarantor, gifts and loans, and buying a ‘granny flat’.

Ms Sue Field, who is the NSW Trustee and Guardian Fellow in Elder Law, had the initial idea to educate elderly women about these key issues some years ago after repeatedly hearing cases of elderly abuse.

“Older women play a critical role in supporting their families and communities. And, in an environment of increasing social and financial pressure, older women must also ensure that they do not jeopardise their own security when asked to help those they love,” Ms Sue Field.

“Both older men and older women can experience financial abuse; however women tend to experience financial abuse more often than men as some women may be financially inexperienced, particularly if they have not worked outside the home or have not had much experience managing money.”

Ms Field says some of the worst cases of financial elder abuse are perpetrated by those closest to us, and begin with seemingly small transgressions, often culminating in the inadvertent surrendering of power, authority and financial security.

“Unfortunately, unless we recognise this potential and initiate steps to protect ourselves early, communication can break down, with the situation and the relationship deteriorating.”

The ‘How Could They?’ series comprises with a set of five brochures exploring legal and financial issues, including: * A Room of One’s Own - for older women considering ‘Granny Flats’ * Love at Last! - for older women negotiating new relationships * Over the Rainbow - for older lesbians negotiating new relationships * One Good Deed... - for older women considering gifts and loans * Safe as Houses? - for older women considering going Guarantor

Each brochure is a based on a real situation and has been developed by and for older women. Brochures on different topics have an easy to follow format with sets of commonly asked questions and answers, as well as a section for other questions for consideration.

“The questions, strategies and resources contained in each brochure have been designed to empower older women with the relevant tools to resolve problems and strengthen their position without jeopardizing their personal relationships,” says Ms Field.

“We have ensured that each publication is written in plain English, minus the legalese.”

The series aims to provide older women with a starting point for help and guidance so they can avoid becoming a victim of elder abuse.

For more information, please contact OWN NSW on (02) 9247 7046, or to obtain further copies of each publication visit: www.ownnsw.org.au.

Can't help but include this .....

From Wednesday's Globe and Mail Published on Tuesday, Jul. 27, 2010 7:12PM EDT Last updated on Tuesday, Jul. 27, 2010 7:31PM EDT

Avoid death by friendlessness

People do not necessarily die of loneliness, but they are more susceptible to disease, for reasons that may be in part biological, and in part because they are less likely to take up healthy habits.

There is said to be a war on obesity, a war on smoking, a war on alcoholism, but where is the war on social isolation, friendlessness and hostile relationships? According to a review of nearly 150 studies of more than 300,000 people, mostly in North America and Western Europe, poor social relationships are as big a contributor to early death (not including suicides) as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or having more than six drinks a day. They are twice as deadly as obesity, says the review by Julianne Holt-Lunstead, a psychologist at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.

People do not necessarily die of loneliness, but they are more susceptible to disease, including heart disease, cancer and HIV/AIDS, for reasons that may be in part biological (loneliness weakens immune systems) and in part because they are less likely to take up healthy habits. Good friends act as a buffer against disease.

Decades ago, infants in orphanages died at an alarming rate, no matter what their initial state of health or the quality of medical care they received. “Lack of human contact predicted mortality,” Prof. Holt-Lunstead writes. The point seems obvious, at least today, but “the medical profession was stunned to learn that infants would die without social interaction.”Practices in custodial care changed, and more babies survived; Prof. Holt-Lunstead wonders what might be done with greater recognition of the importance of social relationships to health.

There is no easy prescription, but in light of the review's findings the public schools deserve support and funding for their efforts to teach conflict resolution, co-operation with others and the ability to work in groups. Volunteer mentorship programs should be encouraged. The findings also suggest that the current obsession with obesity could be counterproductive if, however unintentionally, it shames heavy people and alienates them from others.

Psychiatrist George Vaillant of Harvard University spent decades tracking the lives reflected in the Grant study, which followed a group of seemingly well adjusted “Harvard men” from the early 1940s until today. Ultimately their lives were little different from those of less privileged people. Some became alcoholics. Some suffered from mental illness. Some were happy and fulfilled.

“The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people,” Dr. Vaillant says. Feeling cared for and loved is as important to health as exercising, quitting smoking and not drinking to excess. There's a public-health campaign in there somewhere.

Are there tell-tale signs?

Need. At some stage we all have needs. In fact if you think seriously about it, we have needs ALL of the time.

That got me thinking. Aging brings with it all sorts of changes - some we like and some we don't like at all. However, that doesn't take away the fact that while we have needs which may increase as we age, there are signs that can help our families recognise the CHANGES in our needs.

If you feel that your family needs to be made more aware of this sort of thing, then why not casually suggest that they keep "informed" by regularly reading this blog. (Now that's what is called self-promotion!).

However, while dealing with some of the serious sides of aging, let's look at it as an exercise in awareness.

According to one of Australia's biggest networks of home and nursing care they have found subtle warning signs and I set these out hereunder for you to consider, and for your family to consider. Changes can be very gradual and so can be be missed.

Changes in the appearance of the home or the person as well as behaviour are important to notice. While older people often put the subtle changes down to "aging", it is important that small changes be acknowledged - the fine line between managing and not managing may be just that - a fine line, but it is important that it is not overlooked.

"Covering up" (making excuses) is also a key issue because older people are fearful or anxious about the consequences. They are concerned with what will happen in the future, where they will live and who will take care of them, so they often don't tell their families what is really going on.

So here's a list of signs that assistance might be needed:

* Condition of the house changes. Things not attended to as they once were, such as overgrown lawns, piles of newspapers around the house, or dirty dishes. These may well be as a result of a person not feeling well, and they would be done as soon as the person is "back on their feet', but if these conditions continue, then the family should take note.

* The aging person appears depressed and/or lethargic. If the person has always been very optimistic and suddenly becomes pessimistic and doesn't seem to care about things or themselves, then assistance might be needed.

* Apparent loss of memory or constant sense of confusion. This can happen to anyone, even a young person, but for continued problems, then help is needed.

* Personality changes - quiet, withdrawn, depressed, irritable and angry.

* Less contact with the outside world.

* Changes in appearance - weight, skin, hair, clothes.

* Loss of interest in hobbies.

* Deteriorating hygiene - clothes grubby or stained.

* Extreme clutter or hoarding (this may well be a long time habit or trait, but if taken to extremes, then something should be done to assist).

* Loss of appetite or interest in food - fresh food not being purchased and meals not being prepared. Food going "off" in the frig.

There are a number of networks and home-care facilities available that will assist the older person to grapple with these changes, so much so that their previous interest in life and outside activities may return, allowing them the dignity to continue living in their own home. With many of the stresses of home maintenance and the help with laundry washing and regular house cleaning, the older person can enjoy their older years with as much enthusiasm as when younger.

"S" Plates

What is this nonsense?

In the press recently, an article raised the suggestion that older drivers should be issued with an "S" plate that should be affixed to their car windscreens. This "S" plate would then alert other drivers that the driver of the car in question is a "senior" citizen.

Whoa a bit. We've got "P" plates for those who have just been issued a license, and then there's a Disability Permit for those who are less mobile but who are still proficient drivers (of ANY age!).

But why single out the seniors? Why not an "R" plate for Road-ragers; a "D" plate for disqualified drivers (and this is not a contradiction because far too many disqualified drivers get back into the drivers seat and commit all sorts of road breaches of law); a "B" plate for bad-tempered males (no, I'm not gender biased!); a "Sm" for smokers; a "MP" for mobile phone users (which is illegal but an awful lot of people especially young women do it); and one that my girlfriend suggested "DM" for distracted Mums.

Why are seniors considered to be a nuisance - and as a lot of the media has been pressing in recent times, a "burden" on society? It seems someone has to take the blame for what is going on in society, so let's throw it at the seniors!

This is not good enough!

Maintaining your style (fashion, that is!)

Lately we've been hearing that older Hollywood celebrities are refusing to be type-cast as far as clothing is concerned. Goldie Hawn, Jane Fonda, Sally Ann Fields and Jerry Hall to name a few, want to continue being able to buy (or be offered) fashionable and your-at-hear clothing which has been designed and made for the woman OVER 50, without being seen as frumpy or "mutton done up as lamb!"

Well, this is good news for many of us. We've been asking for this equality for a long time.

However ...... the opposite side of the coin presents a rather dull picture for those women who prefer to wear "granny" clothes (this term is used consistently when describing clothing for the "older" woman). It seems that comfortable dresses and cardigans will slowly disappear from our stores (unless of course the young adults in their 20-30s decide that "granny" cardigans are all the go!)

And why are we to suppose they'll disappear from our stores? The manufacturers will say that "age" no longer allows women to have choice and the retailers will say that "older" women don't really want them. Amazing really, this is exactly the same argument that has been put forward for decades when relating to women of size and supposedly justifies their reasons for not giving the plus-size fashionable stylish clothes. We, the "growing older" women refuse to let this happen to us as well.

Yes, let's have a continuation of classic, stylish clothing as well as "trendy" clothing for the 50 year old plus, but also let's cater for the more conservative woman too, who DOES like her comfortable cardigans!

There's plenty of room for all of us, isn't there?

© 2010 A Parry, Victoria, Australia

Being aware of changes in and with our bodies!

Growing older sometimes brings with it all sorts of phobias! Imaginations I guess you'd describe them, more to the point.

Speaking with a health professional recently, she pointed out the worrisome tendency of "growing older" people who don't take any notice when they start losing weight unexpectedly. She explained "there's always a reason and yet so many people put it in the too hard file and forget about it. That is, until someone notices and remarks about it".

Many things including thyroid problems, diabetes and other disorders as well as infections and drug reactions can cause unplanned weight loss. There are, of course, other reasons too.

So it's easy to understand when a weight loss that is noticeable to others as well as your own scales happens, one can easily become entangled in all sorts of imaginings (especially thinking it's cancer). Sadly a lot of people put off having to ask their Dr for checkups, in the fear that they'll find "something awful".

But in our "obesity-obsessed" society, most people who lose weight are congratulated. Sometimes it happens that the powerful desire for weight loss coincides with the unintended weight loss of a disease process and the two become confused. Sometimes it also happens that while people recognise they are losing weight, they don't recognise new symptoms and regard the whole process as a mystery."(Fifty-Plus News July 2010).

It is always preferable that for unexplained weight loss, it is best to consult the family doctor. The doctor will take your history, which if given in an atmosphere of trust and honesty, can reveal much more than the patient anticipates.

As Jill Margo of Bodyworks (Fifty-Plus News) said in her recent column, "As doctors say - 'if you listen long enough, patients will tell you what is wrong with them'".

Your doctor has your file to refer to; he can listen carefully to what you are saying and because he knows you, he can revise what he already knows to meet your needs by asking pertinent questions (pertinent to him - maybe not to you!) ; he'll also be aware of any stress or emotional situations you may be going through (if you're honest enough to tell him/her). All these can relate to a change in eating habits.

But losing weight unintentionally may NOT be a bad thing. If you are emerging from a stressful situation, then you might begin to shed weight, as you become more confident and more like your old self.

(© excerpts from Fifty-Plus, Victoria, July 2010

Some serious stuff!

Were you aware that June 15th was World Elder Abuse Awareness Day?

I didn't. In fact I'd never heard of such a Day, until I read about it in one of our Seniors newspapers this morning. I asked a number of my "older" friends and they gave me a look of astonishment. It seems hardly anyone I know even knows about it.

The terrible fact of the matter is that elder abuse continues to be a persistent and yet under-recognised issue affecting our country's most vulnerable people. Financial, psychological and emotional abuses are the most common forms of abuse against older people in Australia.

And a more shocking fact if that the majority of cases, the abuse is perpetrated by family members. These are the people who elderly Australians are most dependent upon and yet are powerless to resist or fight.

Elder abuse is insidious and often follows abusive behaviour such as emotional bullying and blackmail. Such as putting pressure on an elderly parent to sell his/her home or threatening to isolate an elderly parent by withdrawing contact with grand-children. And so on.

A recent study found that the average age of victims is around 80 years and many are more vulnerable because of dementia. Financial elder abuse confirmed that signature forgery, credit card misuse, misappropriation of pension funds, transferring of house titles and persuading an older person to change their will or insurance policy, was more likely to be carried out by their children than people they didn't know.

If you live in Australia then visit www.seniorsrights.org.au) - if overseas look up your Seniors Rights website and get as much information as you can, particularly if you feel you are experiencing abuse or if you want to seek help for someone else.

Dressing for the seasons

It's winter here. While autumn seemed (and felt) to be milder than previous years, suddenly winter is beginning to feel like an early freeze!

Perhaps it's growing older, but the old bones seem to notice it more, and the creaking becomes more evident and painful.

It's strange how often you'll be speaking with older women, and they will admit to "reverting to past behaviours". Not that they are suggesting they were "naughty", but their admission revolves around favourite food and favourite ways of wearing their clothes.

I love long skirts that float around my hips and ankles. They make me feel like a woman. Worn with boots and brightly coloured tops and jackets and lots of beads and/or chunky jewellery, I'm more satisfied than trying to meet the latest fashion trends. The funny thing is that I never was a "hippy" or "flower child". I just find these clothes very much to my liking, comfortable and nice. I'm certainly not trying to be "mutton done up like lamb" - this is me.

And just because I have white hair, and am somewhat more wrinkly than the sweet young things that have taken to wearing this type of clothing, doesn't take away the fact that this is my choice, and let's face it, we have a right to make choices that suit us!

.....© Stella M, Victoria, Australia

You shouldn't wear that!

Honestly!!!!!!!

I've been hearing this, and similar things, since I was a kid. You shouldn't eat this, you shouldn't eat that. you shouldn't wear this, you shouldn't wear that!

I got a few years grace from all this flak, or so I thought. I reckon it's probably because I just shrugged my shoulders and got on with life.

But all of a sudden, I'm being told - again! You shouldn't be wearing that!

Am I committing a crime or something? It's not as though I've run amok, is it?

I saw this lovely little short sleeved cardigan, modern styling, totally different than I've previously chosen or worn. It's in a pretty dove grey colour, and worn over one of my long sleeved shirts, looks good, even if I say so myself. I feel good wearing it.

Well - first of all it was a "friend" (well, she thinks she is) - "that's a bit young for you isn't it?" Then my own young grand-daughter, "Hey Nan, you don't want that do you, this is more my style". The lady serving coffee took one look and said, "I thought of getting myself something like that, but I was told I would be mutton made up as lamb". (She's only in her 30s so who is she kidding?) Was she giving me a subtle message?

Hey look, I no longer care what other people think about what I choose for my wardrobe. I made up my mind a long time that "other people" didn't necessarily know what's best for me, and now I'm certain. By the way, I've just put on my lovely dove grey cardigan (with some other clothes I hope you realise!) and am ready to go shopping - what I'll find may be interesting!

......© 2010 Autumn P of Victoria, Australia

How can you stay happy and healthy .....

While at the same time you're growing older .....

As we well know, most women very early form a habit of putting everyone else first. When she becomes a mother this is a "natural" habit that very soon becomes a life-style. It stays with her. A consequence of this, though, is that as we grow older, we're often unaware of what activities we can enter into, which will boost our mood, our attitude and immunity. But there are a few things, that even the so-called experts agree on, that will help us through this.

Here are one or two suggestions.

TALK. Bottling up worries or sadness is deeply unhealthy and guaranteed to suppress immunity. If you feel sad, chat with a friend and don't be afraid to cry. Tears are a good way of releasing repressed emotions and stress. If you feel you need more than that, ask your GP to refer you to a professional counsellor.

LISTEN TO MUSIC. Countless studies show that laughter is hugely beneficial to health - and sharing laughter is better still. So rent a funny DVD, get some friends around and let your humour take over. If you're not really into some of the "modern" humour, why not even drag out of the kid's cartoons/Walt Disney films? Just be a kid again - even if you have grey hair and wrinkles.

EAT and DRINK. In moderation - of course! But then why do we always put limitations on what we should do, especially to relax and recharge our batteries. Seriously though, don't let the fact that just because you might be alone, that you needn't go to the bother of laying the table properly for a meal. Put a small vase of flowers of a specimen rose beside your plate setting, and enjoy a nice wine (even non-alcoholic). Too often we can feel guilty about enjoying ourselves, which is not the way it should be. Tell yourself, I deserve to be pampered and if this means pampering yourself, then so be it. You'll soon believe it.

PRAY. Even those with "no-faith" understand the importance of having a special little place in their home such as a small side table with family photos, flowers, a candle, anything that represents beauty and love, will bring a warm sense of well-being. Those with faith, know the importance and the countless benefits they receive from actually praying or talking with God.

THINK POSITIVE. Hard to at times, but work at it. Never go to sleep fretting over a problem. It achieves nothing. A better idea before going to bed is to concentrate on all the happy (even tiny) events of the day for a few minutes. Avoid negative thoughts at all costs.

Stay away from people who constantly bombard us with doom and gloom. Never lose hope. Remember, miracles do happen, every day, to ordinary every-day people, like you and me.

WHY WASTE PRECIOUS TIME ......

Why waste precious time waiting until .......... before you

.... take on that study course that you've wanted to do for years

.... visit some favourite parks and gardens, he Museum, Art Gallery

.... buy yourself that great pair of shoes or boots

.... go on that Indian-Pacific trip across the Nullarbor

.... redecorate your bedroom

.... put that lovely bracelet on layby

.... even buy yourself a bunch of flowers.

Growing older does not mean "doing without" -
it means being and doing, as much as you can!

Eating Out!

An elderly couple had dinner at another couples house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great ... I would recommend it very highly."

The other man asked, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?   You know ... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the first man.   He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Missing out on some of the good (fun) things! Part II

Growing older, and being older, does not, and should not mean, going without some of the "pampering" things of life.

OK, so you're not too sure whether the little teenage beauty therapist will faint when you undress for a bit of a massage (if she hasn't seen anything like your figure until now, then she will certainly be able to form an opinion on what an older woman can look like, and hopefully she'll gain a new appreciation of women growing older - it's all education for her, and it's all enjoyment for you).  But a massage is good.   There are so many different massages to choose from - facial, head, shoulders, back, legs and arms, full.  Your choice.

Manicures and pedicures - what's stopping you?  This idea of sitting on a large padded chair which vibrates to soft music (to lessen your fear or of the unknown) and soaking your feet in an aromatherapy perfumed bath before having the most wonderful foot massage, and then choosing a colour to paint the nails, has to be experienced to be believed.  Don't be bashful, don't be shy, be outrageous - choose a brilliant, vibrant, sexy colour polish.  Do it as often as possible, as often as practical and as often as you can afford it.

Growing older does not mean growing decrepit - worn out, fallen into disrepair or ruin.  Yes, we may be a little slower, we may take twice as long to think of a word, we may have to wear dentures, hearing aids, use a walking stick or walking frame, but we deserve the right to be taken seriously, to be revered and respected.

 

Missing out on some of the good (fun) things!

Growing older to a lot of women means "doing without" even more things and more often that they've usually done.  Why?

I've been reading a lot of posts lately where women say they're becoming even more lonely than ever; they never have anything to look forward to;  they feel as though they're sitting in a corner and nobody cares!

If you're mobile, can get up into a bus without too much pain and discomfort;  even have a car and can still drive, then there are some things that you can do to improve your daily plans.  There's much to be said for "volunteering" and this isn't a bad idea at all.   Think about joining an auxiliary at your local hospital and "man" their kiosk or small cafe team;  join a group of ladies who go visiting shut-ins;  sit and talk with other women who are undergoing chemo or other treatments.  Add your presence to work at a charity shop.  If you like animals, offer to "pet-sit" occasionally.   Ask your council about having your home address being added to the "Safe Houses" for school children to come to if they feel anxious about other people in the street at school home-time (you'll need a Police Clearance as well).  All these things can be fun and you meet a lot of people - young and old.   If you're more outgoing, then why not put a notice up in the local coffee shop and invite other ladies to join you for say a Wednesday morning coffee-get-together at that same coffee shop.    


Why not do an on-line course in a subject you have a special interest in, or a course at your local Neighborhood House.   There are many "hobby" classes available - painting, crafts, scrapbrooking, cake making; cookery etc.  But then you're probably an expert in all of these things already, having done them during your earlier years.   Write a family journal - everybody seems to be interested in genealogy at the moment , but it's sometimes the little personal anecdotes that are more interesting and important to family members.   Put your memories down on paper.  Even if noone else "seems" interested, then at least you will have performed something for your own pleasure. 


There are those women who have "always" been active - played bowls; attended elderly citizens meetings;  gone on bus trips with other groups;  been part of a garden group;  a book club;  groups attending theatre and cinema outings.   But many women have been too busy with family and other commitments to follow these things through their younger years.   As far as career women are concerned, their whole lives have been filled with meeting dead-lines and agenda of employers, coupled with managing a home and bringing up a family.  Who had time for hobbies or other interests?

Yet there are some slightly "outrageous" things you can plan to do.   What about taking some lessons in ballroom or line-dancing (yep, there are classes sprinkled all around the city and suburbs and people who are wonky on their legs all go and have a wonderful time!).   Belly-dancing is something that is both pleasurable and beneficial, especially if you suffer arthritis.   I can speak from experience here.  As a timid and shy person, I found belly-dancing was so liberating and empowering - I surprised myself by having so much fun.   Save up and have a birthday fling on a Harley Davidson bike (most places have this sort of "tourist" thing available - you can pretend you're a tourist and this will open countless doors of opportunity for you.)  And imagine how jealous your friends will be when you tell them you rode a Harley Davidson with a great looking "bikie" - in leathers!  Get a photo if you possibly can, so you can boast about it.  I reckon boasting if more than half the fun.


To be continued ......

Recognising beauty for what it is - Part II

Why is it, especially in western society, that older women are seen to be "unlovely" because of their wrinkles, their faded complexions, their thinning hair?  I ask this because it is quite obvious in many cultures that aging is equated with wisdom and that age, in the number of years, to be seen as something to be admired.

Women of age, and of different nationalities are nurtured and loved within the family unit;  it's not unusual to see four generations in the one home all doing their own thing, but being mentored in the womanly arts of cooking, craft work, good manners and etiquette among each other, by the eldest member (s) of the family.

Take for instance our Greek and Italian friends. They live for each other, they go places and do things together; they eat together, they celebrate together.  They help each other.  They cook for each other, they do for each other.  When there is a need it is met by others within the family.  They don't even seem to notice age differences.  It's the people and personalities that seem to matter.  Funny thing, that.


I have a personal friend - a lovely Chinese woman Linda, whose large home she shared with her husband, their daughter and son and their partners, their little children.  Her home is also shared with her mother.  This wonderful great grand-mother is revered as the sage of the family;  everyone seeks her advice and everyone treats her as a special precious gem.  She is included in every discussion and every decision made within the family.  She is in her late 80s.   Her great grand-children are in her care during the day.  The joy this family has in her presence in their lives is overwhelming in its simplicity and intensity.


Yet I have another friend in her 60s who is ignored by her children and grandchildren.  They're too busy.  She is forgotten for months on end, and then usually it's only when someone wants something that she has that they will contact her.  She is very seldom included in family get-togethers (birthday, Christmas, Easter) and there's always an excuse as to why she is "forgotten".  This lady lives less than 3 kms from her son.   She lives alone and her loneliness has brought with it illness and lines of anxiety and worry (which could have been avoided if she'd been able to talk through things with the family).  Yet she did everything for her family when they were younger;  gave them as much as she could, was always available for baby-sitting and house minding when the grandchildren were small and when they went on holidays.   But now in her growing older years, she's seen to be a nuisance, and she's made to feel it, too.   


What is doubly sad about this second lady is that her grandchildren actually told her that she looked "ugly" because she's old, and they've even laughed about her, in her presence.   The fact that they now ignore her, is something that she bears because she has to, and because it's easier to do so.  

From what I've experienced, as Western women, we tend to look at our reflections as something that needs "beautifying" or making younger by way of anti-aging methods, one way or the way.   Shouldn't we take time to look at ourselves and to study our reflections seeing the beautiful things about us that no one else on this planet share?    Many women from western cultures who are growing older or who are deemed to be "old" have forgotten how to love themselves.  They've forgotten that they are uniquely formed and created.

We've got to get back to basics.   We've got to treat ourselves as the person we are, not necessarily the age we are.   We're no different to that young teenager wanting to be accepted by a peer group;  we're no different to that young woman wanting to have a happy home and family;  we're no different to the maturing woman wanting to have a career or satisfaction in her hobby, leisure pursuit or even a personal enterprise.  We're no different to that woman through all her states of womanhood seeks companionship and love and affection.  

What's age got to do with anything?  OK, so we slow down.   Our bodies are impacted by gravity and in some cases, illnesses.
But that shouldn't stop us from doing the things we've always wanted to do;  and to pamper ourselves every now and again.   We should be able to experiment with new things, new dreams, new goals, without having to justify why.   Have fun.  Don't take any nonsense from anyone!  Don't accept bad manners, or inappropriate attitudes and/or behaviour. 

Recognising beauty for what it is - at whatever age!

Miss Piggy probably said it best:

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder 

and it may be necessary from time to time 

to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."

But let's seriously consider it.  It's a very old sentiment which has been around since the 3rd century and while many men have included that sentiment in their work (Shakespeare for one), the actual quotation "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" was first seen in print in 1878.  Margaret Wolfe Hungerford (nee Hamilton) who wrote many books often under the pseudonym of "The Duchess" wrote "Molly Bawn" in 1878 and used the phrase "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

And the saying and the meaning behind the saying is as pertinent today as it was when first penned.

You only have to look at the animal world to see that it's true.  Mothers just adore their off-spring and it's the same with us.  A new born babe will bring oohs and aahs and sighs of delights.

Take your surroundings - things of beauty dazzle our eyes every moment of every day.  Beautiful flowers, extraordinary sunsets.  The moon reflected on the water.  The sight of Uluru after it has rained.  The sound of a country stream merrily singing as it travels down a hillside.  The quietness and beauty of the forest.   Tiny little insects - ladybirds and the like, small birds learning to fly; the snuffling of a wombat.   We will spend time just watching their antics and movements.  Funny little kittens and puppy dogs.  Even little children as they try to walk and in doing so keep toppling over.

It's not only young things that are beautiful.  Oh yes, the body of a "gorgeous" young woman will bring similar oohs and aahs and in fact will convince other young women that they should emulate the beauty defined by the media while those of us who are older, smile and remember!

As far as "beauty" is concerned, where does that leave the growing older woman?  Or the woman in her prime - the 70s, 80s and 90s?

It's weird, but men seem to be besotted and enamoured by battered old rusty cars or utes.  They'll spend hours longingly cleaning them and doing them up.  But what do they do when their girl-friends or wives grow a little old and rusty?  Trade 'em in for a later model.  Crazy!

They may even cunningly suggest that she's let herself "go" and could do with a bit of Botox (or not!) which should be taken with a grain of salt.  What do you really want botox for?  To hide the life-experiences that shoe the world that you've lived?  We should never be taken for granted or persuaded to change our looks merely for the sake of "looking younger".  Why?  The hands and neck will tell the story anyway and no botox will help those areas.

(And anyway, do most of us actually KNOW what Botox is?  It is made from "botulinum toxin type A", a poison produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum, which causes botulism, a severe form of food poisoning.

Botox is injected into the muscles used in frowning and raising the eyebrows to paralyze them and thus smooth out the wrinkles. Common side effects of Botox injection include droopy eyebrow or eyelid, headache, respiratory infection, flu syndrome, and nausea.)

To be continued .....

Aging Outrageously! - Keeping Focus! Part III

Then the "woman in the mirror" tells us we're no longer important. We've let ourselves go; we've lost whatever attraction we may have had, and we're in a heap. Lines show in our faces; our hair is thin and grey; our figures - well! Gravity has had a grand time, hasn't it? So we're worn out - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

But wait a minute. Is it so hard to deal with? Is it impossible to overcome? Does it mean losing all sense of self and importance?

Even if along and "single", are there ways of getting back some sense of esteem and confidence? Can we see the silver lining in the dark clouds that block out our horizons?

Importantly, is there such a thing as "can't do"?

One of our team reminded us, again, of a little story heard as a child. The story of the little red train, trying to reach the top of the hill. She (we think of him as "she") was unsure of herself; she'd lost all confidence because she was overwhelmed by all the bigger trains who had lots more strength and energy and she felt afraid of failure. She told herself she'd never, ever, ever, reach the top of the hill.

But something inside her told her that she had the capacity to do anything she wanted to do, or even that she had to do, if she really wanted to. Her sense of "can't do" became "I can do, if I believe in myself." Self doubts attack us all. But like the little red train. Her mantra became "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. In fact I KNOW I can. The more she thought about it, the more determined she became, until she actually huffed and puffed herself to the top of the hill.

We're like that. There are times when we feel defeated. When we just "can't reach the top of the hill. When everything around us is negative. And even our inner thoughts about ourselves are negative and we can't "see" that we have the power to turn the "can't" into a "can do."

We're not saying it's easy. Because it darn well isn't. And it takes a lot of determination and mindset to turn the tide. Is it worth it in the long run? Definitely.

It means learning to "keep focus". Focus on what's important in the whole picture. How we see ourselves and our lives and how we want to live our lives, for ourselves as well as our families. No excuses to others who want to have a piece of us and who are determined that we don't know best. No guilt feelings acquired from past experiences and carried through to "now". No wasting time!

The here and now is what it's about. YOURS and OURS. Here and now. We know we are accountable for our actions and our responsibilities to others. We also know that overcoming what seems to be insurmountable does more for our confidence that almost anything else. We KNOW that we'll be better people once we have overcome the negativity.

And the woman in the mirror will be grateful too. A new light will flash in her eyes, she will smile more often; she will let us see our "good" points more easily. She will enjoy herself, and in so doing, we'll enjoy ourselves too!

Because to age gracefully and graciously is something we all aim for; to age outrageously is something we want to do and look forward to doing.

A quotable quote:  Virginia Woolf 1882-1941.   With apologies to Virgina - we've changed the word "he" to "she" for the purpose of this post.

Each has her past shut in her 

like the leaves of a book known to her heart,

and her friends can only read the title.

Talk to you later.  

Aging Outrageously! - Keeping Focus! Part II

In our travels and dealings with women we have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have, during most of the seasons of their lives, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things.)

Now this is not an un-natural occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ....... As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us.

Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn't have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about !); our partners need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what's going on with, and in, their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was "firm" and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells inn our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we've fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deju vu. But now we're older, and we're much more tired.

To be continued .......

Aging Outrageously! - Keeping Focus!

Let's start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the "seasons" of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it's difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexion, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits, including hobbies, and "retire". When I think about it, and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago, "retire" is such a negative word! It's really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn't it better to "rest" when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we choose to? As so often happens when a woman "retires" she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn't it?

And what happens is that women no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to "want" to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university, even?

Why not buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring? Even, dare I say it, a lover?

Don't get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It's a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can't make it, you can't copy it, you can't replace it. It's a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

To be continued .....